I wish that I was the kind of person who didn’t take everything seriously. I take things so seriously that I get physically ill when I am worried, scared, embarrassed, ashamed, depressed.
Well today something didn’t go right at work. It went very wrong. I made a mistake and it lost the company some income. A phenomenal amount, you may ask? No, but my emotionally abusive boss is treating me like it was. He has perfected his method of emotional manipulation to an art. He is treating me like a bad child and not speaking to me. Awesome right?
What’s worse is that I am now beating myself up for this mistake. I let something slip. Perhaps it’s because I am doing four jobs without assistance. (And by the way being paid for 1/3 of one job and people get pissed whenever ask about the possibility of additional compensation). This whole situation is tapping into the deep fear I have that I am a miserable failure. That I really am no good at anything and I should be fired and will be at any minute.
I know that I should turn to God and lift it all up to Him. I am just afraid that He will just tell me I am a screw up too. How do you lean on the shoulders of the Lord? How do I ask him to make my dumb earthly burdens light? How can I ask Him for anything? I can’t even be there for myself.
It’s a tough day on the broken road people…. Pray for me
1 comment:
Oh G!
I am praying for you.
But in the meantime, let me pass along these messages from me, the universe, and perhaps even God:
You are not a failure. Everyone messes up sometimes. Don't turn a specific occurence into a generalized statement about yourself. While the specific may be true, the generalization is false.
You can come to God with any problem, no matter how minor and no matter how much you think you have messed up. God will never ever send you away, no matter what you have done. He wants you to call on him, and rely on him.
Everyone is dealing with their own stuff and sometimes that means they don't deal with us the way they should. Just remember that chances are it's not really all about you. You never know what someone is dealing with. Try not to take on someone else's drama.
Hang in there. Today's a tough day. But the wheel turns. And you have more strength than you know.
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