I haven't been going to church.
Haven't been for most of the summer. Partially because my schedule was so messed up this summer and partially because I just didnt want to be there.
Nothing against the church. I love NCC and it is filled with amazing people. It's about me and my own hang ups.
I was trying to get back into it and to go back to service... so today, I decided to listen to one of the webcasts. It would be the one where my beloved PM says the statement that homosexuality is wrong. The whole rest of the sermon is focused on the issue of alcohol, but that one statement made me so sad.
I don't want to be in this place. I am trapped in a place where legalism/moralism whatever you want to call it, threatens to make me separate from people who saved my life. How do I love and support my friends, my urban family and stay faithful? This is so heartbreaking.
So much so that I want to shut it away. Like I have done with so many things in my life. I don't know how to deal with this.
I am left lonely and afraid about this. I want help, I dont want help. I want to be left alone. I want to turn of the voice of PM and pretend that I dont hear him.
2 comments:
Since email doesn't seem to be working, I figured I would throw out a comment here. This is a tough issue. Big, tough issue. Just wanted to say I'm available and more than happy to be a sounding board if you need one.
that's why you rock my world Pastorfriend (tm).
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