I find myself always looking behind me. I am always worried about other people's response to what I do. I know part of that is because I have been known not to work at full potential. I know now that some of that is due to my ADHD. Some of it is due to depression. Most of it is due to self doubt and fear.
Since I have spent the better part of a lifetime doing what I believe is "sub par" everything, when people call me on it I feel like the whole world has crashed down on me. I am ashamed and afraid that I will never get better.
So, any time there is the possibility that someone is reporting on me or I have to have a review or something - I get scared. I feel guilty. Even if I am doing the best I can. I feel like eventually someone will find out that I am a total fraud.
I am a prisoner. When will I be parolled?
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