On being alive...

The thing is, it shouldn’t take the death of one of your peers to remind you that you should be a better steward of yourself. But…

Last night, I found out that a man younger than myself, a mainstay in the Washington theater community collapsed and died. Last night. This guy had potential, he was very heavy though and didn’t get cast because of that.

I have been struggling with back pain all this week and I turned my ankle on Wednesday and have been hobbling around all week. I know that the reason that my back messed up again is because I ate my way through my mom’s surgery. I was worried and sad and bored and stressed… so I ate and ate and ate- as though her convalescence was some kind of holiday from self control.

I’m so messed up y’all. I know there has to be a better way… I just haven’t found it yet. I am still doing weight watchers and I am back on the wagon. I suppose that is something. I just don’t know what else I can do to get my mind right about this. It’s an addiction, clearly. I abuse food.

But I am alive, praise God. Every day that I wake up is another day to get it right. In church they asked us if there was anything that we were believing in God for – something so large and audacious that I could not do it without Him.

I think this might be it.