Mother's Day Musings

I'm sitting on the comfy couch, feeling a little empty right now. It's Mother's Day and I'm not anyone's mother.

I dont think I have ever experienced this. The feeling that I am missing something...the pull from deep in my soul ( or my womb) to have that identity.

Many times I have told myself that my children are the people that I encounter in my life, the students I mentor, the kids that come to the Disco, my interns, colleagues at the various theatres I have worked for. It is fulfilling to know that I have played a part in the forming of thier lives. I know I have made an impact... and that is good.

So why is it that when a caramel colored child with curly curly hair smiles at me, my heart hurts a little bit.

Is it time? Should I move forward with the plan to have a child? What about a father? What about a family? I just dont know. Am I just supposed to have this empty ache?

It's confusing.