Broken - part four - me and God

This is the big Broken.

I haven't opened a Bible in months.

I haven't prayed.

The last time I was near the church was for an audition for a show at the church.

I am disconnected, disillusioned and disheartened.

I believe that everything else that is broken is because I have put God on mute.

I don't know when I got too busy for Him, too scared of Him, too needy for the things of this world to cling to Him - but I have.

I am completely Broken.

I have messed up my life on the inside. On the outside, it just looks hectic and over committed. But it's over committed so I dont have time to deal with what's broken on the inside.

I have been too ashamed to reach out to my pastorfriend (tm) or pastor mark... or the beautiful community I built just a year ago.

I am completely Broken.

I state this only as a battlecry. Not as a litany of complaints, nor as a laundry list of things that people can save me from. I am not the person I have been. Please dont read this and think you can rescue me. You can not. You may not know this, but I do - EVERYONE'S life has broken spots. I just happen to be secure enough in my brokeness to list them out. Believe me, this isnt all of them - not nearly all of them.

I do not know what the next steps are... I only know that they are my own, it's my road... the broken road.