Yikes.

I absorb the feelings of the people around me. I tend to feel things a little stronger than other people. Oversenstive. Touchy. That's me.

There was news today at Ye Olde that someone who just got here is leaving. She is real bright and energetic - a go getter. She went and go got herself another job that pays three times what she makes here. Which was probably twice what I make now.

This leaves me in a confused place. I feel like I am doing good work, but I know I am being undercompensated for it. I get so nervous at the thought of asking to be really be paid what I am worth, that I backslide into feelings of doubt and self deprecation. It's an ugly thing.

That's how I feel right now. I want to be appreciated. I want to be paid what I am worth. Everytime someone leaves I think "That should be me... I should have the guts to make a move...make more money... be thought of as a worthy contributor to the world at large". Then I get scared. I am afraid of my boss. I am afraid of his wrath. I am afraid of his temper and his scathing commentary. So, I dont ask. I just it and feel bad about myself.

At least I am not crying. I am writing on my blog...getting the feelings out and setting them free. I know it isnt time yet for a big move. The right opportunity will manifest when it is time.

So for right now... I watch the other birds fly....