Every Tuesday I have date with my sister. She and I usually go out to dinner and then out to do a little shopping and a lot of laughing. She is my touchstone and I rely on that contact to really assess what life is about.
This week, we went to get my costumes for ALL SHOOK UP and then went to the Cheesecake Factory for some deliciousness. The conversation turned a little more serious than I had hoped when she started talking about the house.
That freeking house is the baneof my exisitance. I dont clean it and my mother is freaked about that. She wants me to do what she wants me to do when she wants me to do it. I know that my quasi hoarding is making her bat shit crazier. The piles are awful. It would be better if i moved down into the basement. But that requires so much freeking work. I just dont want to do it.
The reason I bring this is up is that what came out of the conversation was that my sister said " I just dont want you two to be miserable anymore". whoa. I'm miserable? Why didnt I know this?
What really blows me away is that she lays it out for me and I see it. I am miserable. I live in squallor as a manifestation of my misery. When did this happen? Five years ago. When I put on the brave face the day my dad died. I havent cleaned my room since then.
Damn. I thought I was doing well. sigh.
2 comments:
as always, your words speak truth in ways I hadn't thought either about myself. know i love you for whatever that bit of solace is worth. :)
It's hard being human, Tekay.
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