Post meeting report.

I sought the advice of my mom and several friends solicted some prayer warriors for me on the whole "handling" issue. My mom came up with to interesting points of view -one from the management side about making things work even when they cant ( very pro crazy people) and one about me and how I should handle the situation. Interestingly enough, even though she gave an excuse as to why they would do the things that they do her advice to me was " say what you want to say." Which is a new one from her. She is usualy a " go along to get along" kind of person.

What ended up happening? I sat pretty quietly and doodled the whole meeting away. I spoke about other things in my regualr candid way, but I did what they asked me in the meeting. Then I went upstairs and started pulling job listings. I also too a three hour lunch with my intern. He said something while we were in the car that was so very true. Ye Olde is filled with passive agressive people - it's actually how we manage every situation. I say "we", becasue that is what I did today. It's what I do everyday. And I am ashamed of it. It only serves to cause me more pain. It's something that I DETEST in other people, because it is something I DETEST in myself.

I am grateful for the mirror that this job experience has been. It has shown me a lot about who I am and who I dont want to become. Perhaps, since some of the more difficult to express values have manifested themselves about the job, I can finally move on.

I think I want something that I dont feel as passionate about. A job where I am well compensated for my administrative skills but it isnt personal. Something that wont hurt my feelings. So I can save that energy for my "real life". My life in Christ, His gift of artistry to me...