This is one of the difficulties about working here. Working here.
No really, my boss and I play this game, or rather, my boss plays this game with me. I ask for time off...he tortures me and then gives it to me.
Perhaps it's my Catholic upbringing...but I always feel guilty about taking time off. So I wait, and I hesitate and I dont take it. I was asked a few weeks ago about my holiday plans. The email came and a wave a dread washed over me like Tsunami. I ignored it. Then I realized, that if I didn't say anything I was going to end up bitterly sitting at my desk during the four days I wanted off. So, I sent the email.
It was responded to by a snarky " why didn't you ask me earlier and who is going to do your job when yorue not here" email. To which I blew my top. I went down to the executive wing ... I dont know what I thought I was going to do...tattle I suppose, like a little girl. Then I started writing a scathing email - which I knew would only cause my confusion and tension. I simply replied to him and said - we need to talk.
So we went into an empty office and I told him I hated that I felt this way everytime I wanted some time off. He flipped his game and started telling me how I needed to take the time - I was owed the time and how I should get over feeling guilty.
I went back to my pod feeling like a hamster in a hamsterball. My boss likes to see me run in circles. He loves to make sure I know who is in control. I wish I was more Machiavellian and could really use my " powers" to destroy his perfect world. But I cannot, so I sit here - with my days off... but feeling a little less strong, a little less good about myself, a little more ashamed of the way I allow people to treat me.
Score one for the bad guys.
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