I will baptize you in water...

There are moment you step into conciously aware that you will never be the same. You were in the process of moving from one major moment in your life to another before this moment - and this step forward, simple as it may seem, you are about to make a soul shift.

This is what was on my mind all day as I moved toward baptism. I did some shopping and I did some baking (see post above). All things to dne to relax myself. I ended the day wrapping some presents for some of the people who had been so important in getting me to this day. With minutes to spare, I made it to the coffeehouseolove (tm). The church asked the candidates for baptism to do a little pre service interview. I'm not sure what I said, but I hope I captured some of the reasons I was there for the camera.

The whole group of us being baptised that night gather to pray and PM joined us in a circle. It was then that the butterflies became hawks in my stomach. The "coolness" and the reality of what I was about to do were becoming overwhelming. I had to take my anti-anxiety med to get on the elevator to go down to the service. The truth of offering yourself and the life you know to God. Really accepting that the control that I wanted to have over my life - there is nothing about my life that is under my own control. The power is not mine. That frightens me... and relieves me. I dont have to carry the weight of the world. All I have to do is step out in faith. When pastorfriend (tm) asked who wanted to be first into the water... my hand shot up and I said " me". Madness, right? Wrong, miracle.

The Easter vigil service was fantastic. There were a lot of people at the service, the music was right on point and clearly reaching deep down in me like music does. PM gave a message that cut right to the heart of what I was thinking and feeling. A couple of days ago I posted about having " Great Expectations"... that was what much of his message was about. I was trembling with excitement and fear. It was so intense.

When PM started to talk about the baptism...my heart started racing. I was first. I was wearing my fancy baptism gear ( my lounge pants and a big Wal-Mart tee shirt). I stepped off of the chair I was in and headed toward the pool. It was really big. and it was sort of dark... there were candles all around ( I dont know if you know this, but um... fire? Another BIG fear of mine). I started to fall apart. I thought about giving in to the fear and the sadness... to go back the way I came. But the wall of faith blocked my path. My "godmothers" ( all newly equipped with wands) and the family of faith I had joined put thier hands on me. The raised me up... they spoke blessing into my life into my soul. One of my godmothers whispered into my ear " Let go.." With those two annointed words, the weight of the loving hands lifting me higher and the extended hands of pastorfriend (tm) and PM... I walked toward the pool and stepped in.

I declared my life of fear... and cast it out of existance. I proclaimed before God and his servants that I believe...and I accept the blessings. PM put his hand on the small of my back. I put my hand over my nose... closed my eyes and was plunged into the water. I felt like a hundred hands pushed me back out of the water. I felt launched into a new life. I came out trembling and a little disoriented. I dont really remember how I got out of the water.

What I do remember is that minutes later... I watch one of my dear friends declare her faith and the joy I felt for her reminded me of the joy I knew I was feeling about my own choice. God is good, people. I watched this girl be reborn... the light around her ... the change in her countenance - the hope in her heart! Halleluiah, people, halleluiah. This is what is all about - rebirth.

I was cold and soggy and weepy and freer than I had ever ever been. I am new. I am doing a new thing in my life. Everyday is a new chance. I have a resurrection spirit in me now. I can't wait to see what's next!

What happened after the ceremony? Another performance of Godspell... some barbeque chicken wings, some diet coke and big hunk of coconut Bunnycake (tm) - BTW... the head of the bunny cake FELL OFF during the evening... it looked like a scene from a Quentin Tarantino movie... LOL

Oh well...it was mad tasty yo...mmmm coconut.