Time of testing...

This AM I started my day at Ye Olde with a bit of optimism and a little tingle of excitement. I pulled up my calendar and went to put my two auditions in. Saturday 9:30am, Little Shop..., check! Tuesday, Dreamgirls..., 5:30pm... un check. I have a "Diversiry Training"...and all day farce of a meeting. Where we do exercises that make us all uncomfortable and pretend that it is going to make a huge difference in an organization that thrives on disfunction. Sounds like tons of fun. Until 5:30pm.

I sent an email to the flunkie that was organizing the circus and asked if the event would actually last until 5:30. He said yes. I started to spin into despair. How was I going to get out of the meeting in time to get to Baltimore for my audition? I couldnt ask to get out early. Yesterday, my boss told me that his boss thinks I am doing a bad job. "I know it's not true, it's the " perception", you know? " Well, that made me feel about two inches tall. I didnt even know what to do about it. The department head knows I dont want to do the mundane part of my job anymore. That it bores and demeans me and I cant take much more of it. I am feeling trapped and unappreciated.

To tell you the truth, I should have left almost a year ago. At the time that I was about to make the move, I was trying to make it a smooth move. I didnt want to upset my bosses. I thought they cared about me. I certainly cared what they thought about me. I had been interviewing and had considered a few options. I confided in a friend all of these things and that person told someone in my organization. I was confronted with " are you planning to leave?" I panicked and said no. My spirit died a little that day. I felt enslaved by misplaced loyalty, betrayed by someone I thought had respect for my situation and trapped for a least another six months.

When I told my bosses boss that I really hated doing part of my job, I was told " This is a really bad time to replace your position." and " Everyone hates thier job, I do." What?!? Who says that? There was no attempt to make it better and to keep me. In fact he went to the General Manager and "told" on me. I had to meet with him... he lied to me and blew the same smoke up my butt he done months before. ( Later I found out that the GM told my boss and my bosses boss told him too. )

Now I know you say I should just get out. I know this is true. How, though? How do I get out and where do I go? And how does getting out get me to the Dreamgirls audition? Pray for me people.