Been sick all day.
Bad sick.
Still feel icky, but made plans to hang out with my sister and our friend Melody tonight.
Hope I last till midnight.
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Last One at the Party...
After the rehearsal and the costume shopping...
I hopped in Mistress Quickly and headed north to Glen Burnie, MD. My friends were having a holiday open house and I was rushing to make it before - oh I dont know - New Years Day. Due to the arrival of the late President Ford, traffic is snarled. The trip takes me almost two hours. By them time I get there it is close to 8pm. I sit in my car for five minutes and get my head together. I am wound up and nervous. I am not sure why.
As I head up the walk the door opens and old friends come out. Thier baby is with them and is so adorable. She has big bright eyes and is so alert. This is the moment I would usually have some baby lust... but funnily enough, there's none there. Just an " awww". Also some relief because I find that there arent a lot of people in the house. Just the hosts and one of my favorite people in the world. No one who expects me to be anything but me :)
So I go in and we sit and chat for a few hours. The conversation is good and laughs are abundant. I hope to spend more time with them in the new year.
On my way home my stomach starts to hurt. It's a wierd kind of pain - sharp and new. I've never felt this before. I know about about to have an " episode" but it seems like it's gonna be a bad one.
I hopped in Mistress Quickly and headed north to Glen Burnie, MD. My friends were having a holiday open house and I was rushing to make it before - oh I dont know - New Years Day. Due to the arrival of the late President Ford, traffic is snarled. The trip takes me almost two hours. By them time I get there it is close to 8pm. I sit in my car for five minutes and get my head together. I am wound up and nervous. I am not sure why.
As I head up the walk the door opens and old friends come out. Thier baby is with them and is so adorable. She has big bright eyes and is so alert. This is the moment I would usually have some baby lust... but funnily enough, there's none there. Just an " awww". Also some relief because I find that there arent a lot of people in the house. Just the hosts and one of my favorite people in the world. No one who expects me to be anything but me :)
So I go in and we sit and chat for a few hours. The conversation is good and laughs are abundant. I hope to spend more time with them in the new year.
On my way home my stomach starts to hurt. It's a wierd kind of pain - sharp and new. I've never felt this before. I know about about to have an " episode" but it seems like it's gonna be a bad one.
I don't even know what to say.
At the Salvation Army Store...
Me: How come you never asked me out?
Him: What?
Me: How come you never asked me out?
Him: I would never want to hurt you. I care about you too much. I'm no good for anyone, really. I only go out with people who dont want anything from me - that way they arent disappointed.
Me: How come you never asked me out?
Him: What?
Me: How come you never asked me out?
Him: I would never want to hurt you. I care about you too much. I'm no good for anyone, really. I only go out with people who dont want anything from me - that way they arent disappointed.
Rehearsal
It's the first time I have been back to the dinner theatre since I went to NYC. The show is better, but still clunky. The director doesn't seem to be able to pull the best out of this company. Sometimes I think his need to be liked supercedes is role as a director. That was a lesson I learned a long time ago. You cant always be best buds with the company if you want to direct a good show. Sometimes you just have to be a jerk ( or least they think you are a jerk).
Dinner Theatre is an odd community. The actors are directors, designers, techies, actors, fans, critics and enemies. Relationships overlap and that causes all sorts of blurred lines. The Susan is a prime example of that. On the one hand, it is great because you have the opportunity to do all sorts of things.... but on the other hand, the management expects you to do everything too. Complicated, right?
I say this because after the rehearsal the director, one of the actresses in the show and I have been doing costumes for the show. Pulling and sewing and buying. So after the rehearsal, I was tagging and making a punch and shop list with the director. Who has attention deficit. So he was flitting back and forth. and it was really tough for him to concentrate. and I wanted to stab him.
We trekked off to the Salvation Army store and picked up some stuff and I think he is pleased with what he has. That's good, cuz I was tired and over it for the day.
Dinner Theatre is an odd community. The actors are directors, designers, techies, actors, fans, critics and enemies. Relationships overlap and that causes all sorts of blurred lines. The Susan is a prime example of that. On the one hand, it is great because you have the opportunity to do all sorts of things.... but on the other hand, the management expects you to do everything too. Complicated, right?
I say this because after the rehearsal the director, one of the actresses in the show and I have been doing costumes for the show. Pulling and sewing and buying. So after the rehearsal, I was tagging and making a punch and shop list with the director. Who has attention deficit. So he was flitting back and forth. and it was really tough for him to concentrate. and I wanted to stab him.
We trekked off to the Salvation Army store and picked up some stuff and I think he is pleased with what he has. That's good, cuz I was tired and over it for the day.
Friday, December 29, 2006
I got Soul!!!
I went and had a Day O' Beauty at the Soul Day Spa and Salon here in DC. It's located near Howard University and it is about 10 minutes from my house. The place is great!
I was greeted by a lovely receptionist and escorted downstairs to have my nails and toes done. They offered me tea right away and lots of magazines. The person doing my nails was really sweet and kept offering me magazines. I was totally in the zone and didnt really need to have anything to read. I was sort of contemplating life and saying little prayers of thanksgiving.
The waxing tech was lovely - she made me laugh and although she smelled a little like cigarettes, she did a good job. My eyebrows look great ;)
After all that, I went upstairs to go get my hair done. I was planning to just get my hair trimmed and shaped. The sylists convinced me to get it pressed and styled. It looks real nice. It's so soft and long.
I went home and my mom was very happy to see my straight hair ( she's go hung up on it). She was shocked when I told her that there were no chemicals. That it was just blown out and pressed. All those years of putting chemicals in and doing damage and my hair looks just as lovely without them.
I miss my curls though. ;)
I will totally go back to the spa -it's a great place and so close!
I was greeted by a lovely receptionist and escorted downstairs to have my nails and toes done. They offered me tea right away and lots of magazines. The person doing my nails was really sweet and kept offering me magazines. I was totally in the zone and didnt really need to have anything to read. I was sort of contemplating life and saying little prayers of thanksgiving.
The waxing tech was lovely - she made me laugh and although she smelled a little like cigarettes, she did a good job. My eyebrows look great ;)
After all that, I went upstairs to go get my hair done. I was planning to just get my hair trimmed and shaped. The sylists convinced me to get it pressed and styled. It looks real nice. It's so soft and long.
I went home and my mom was very happy to see my straight hair ( she's go hung up on it). She was shocked when I told her that there were no chemicals. That it was just blown out and pressed. All those years of putting chemicals in and doing damage and my hair looks just as lovely without them.
I miss my curls though. ;)
I will totally go back to the spa -it's a great place and so close!
Thursday, December 28, 2006
What's My Lion?
No, it's not a new game show on Animal Planet. It's a question that I am now grappling with after finishing up Pastor Mark Batterson's In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day. PM's second book, hit me right where I live. As anyone who knows me or has been following this blog will know, I am constantly dealing with my fear. It is the biggest issue in my life. I find that fear has stopped me from pursuing most of the dreams I have ever had for my life.
This book challenges you to face the fear, face the "Lions" in your life. PM's easy, humorous style makes the book a relatively fast read. His relativism and acute populist vocabulary brings the revelations to life. I was convicted after reading chapters like " Unlearning Your Fears" and "The Importance of Looking Foolish" to make some new choices for myself.
This was the perfect book to read just before the new year. I reccomend it to everyone who is seeking and everyone who thinks they have already found it all.
Now I have to figure out which Lion to chase first.
Roar!
Saying goodbye to the most sampled man in Music History
James Brown laid in repose at the Apollo Theatre in New York City today. He will be laid to rest tomorrow in GA. I know it might not seem like something I would blog about, but music is a very important part of my life. The soundtrack to my life does indeed include a couple of Mr. Brown exclaimations.
His influence on modern music cannot go un remarked by me, you hear him in every hot dance beat in every Rap song and every twitch of every boy band ever created. The evolution of Funk , Soul and R&B can be traced direcetly to the work of James Brown.
When the procession... that white horse drawn carriage on 125th street...pulled up to the theatre, the crowd just enfolded him. What an image! His presence and influence was so apparent - vibrant and vivid in that moment.
My Dad was big James Brown fan. He loved the outragousness. He respected the genius of his music. I know that Dicky is in crowd welcoming "The Godfather of Soul" at the gates.
Rest in Peace.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Gonna get me some Soul.
My wonderfulwonderful young friend, Sir Fabulous Himself gave me a gift certificate for the Soul Day Spa here in Washington, DC. My sister gave me hair care products, a great hairdryer and some accessories. I get it, I get it! Fix my hair!
I have been thinking for a while that my hair is in need of help and I was too lazy and unwilling to do anything about it. However, since I decided that I would be taking better care of myself in 2007... I thought I should get the jump on it and get my hair did. I made an appointment for a cut and blow out, mani and pedi for Friday. Which is just in time for the new year and tech week of the dinner theatre show. ( I totally forgot about that!)
Ah well, back to the court shows...
I have been thinking for a while that my hair is in need of help and I was too lazy and unwilling to do anything about it. However, since I decided that I would be taking better care of myself in 2007... I thought I should get the jump on it and get my hair did. I made an appointment for a cut and blow out, mani and pedi for Friday. Which is just in time for the new year and tech week of the dinner theatre show. ( I totally forgot about that!)
Ah well, back to the court shows...
Size 12 is Not Fat
I read this totally fun book today, Size 12 is Not Fat by Meg Cabot ( of Princess Diaries fame). This s a " grown up" book, but has the same quirkly girl style to it. It's a harlequin romance meets Nancy Drew, meets US magazine. The heroine is a slightly zaftig former pop star named Heather Wells. Due to circumstances beyond her control she ends up having to get a " real" job as an assistant director at college residence hall. The fun ensues when, sadly a young girl ends up dead in the dorm. Heather is everywoman and her food cravings and life musing are hilarious. This was a totally enjoyable and frothy good time. I am going out tomorrow and getting the next book Size 14 is Not Fat Either
Goodbye TBND
The Boy Next Door's phone number is no longer in service.
I'm done.
He goes in the "Men like Robert" pile - too messed up to mess with.
I'm done.
He goes in the "Men like Robert" pile - too messed up to mess with.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Plugging back in at NCC
Was back at NCC for the first time in a few weeks. It felt good to be home, you know? PM's message was spot on for me. He talked about how sometimes it feels like your in the "wrong " story. As if God has dropped you into the wrong place at the wrong time. His ultimate example? The Christmas story - totally miscast, right? Like, if you were putting together a cast for that story...would you pick a 14 year old uneducated girl for the leading lady? It was a great way to really think through the story.
We always try to write our own story. It's as if we know better than God how our lives should turn out. Which is where we get into trouble. Or at least where I do. I was convicted in that message. It was a tap on the shoulder - the the tap that I got singing in NYC. I am not in control of everything, no matter what I think. LOL
I am grateful for the challenges that PM is inspired to give us. I have never felt more connected to a faith community. I have never felt more connected to God. I am blessed and humbled. It's the best present I could ever have gotten for Christmas.
We always try to write our own story. It's as if we know better than God how our lives should turn out. Which is where we get into trouble. Or at least where I do. I was convicted in that message. It was a tap on the shoulder - the the tap that I got singing in NYC. I am not in control of everything, no matter what I think. LOL
I am grateful for the challenges that PM is inspired to give us. I have never felt more connected to a faith community. I have never felt more connected to God. I am blessed and humbled. It's the best present I could ever have gotten for Christmas.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
The Holiday Update (long post)
Happy Holidays…whatever you celebrate at this time of year, from Togetherness Day to Winter Solstice, I bring you tidings of great joy!
Another year in review :)
Winter… It began with a loss, my dear friend John Charles Gonzales Stanley passed away on January 18th after battling cancer. He was a brilliant light in my life and I miss him all the time.
In January and February I costumed two shows for area theatres and actually got reviewed in the Washington Post. Neato! Maybe I should be a costumer….
Spring, I joined a small group at the church I am attending, National Community Church. It was called Alpha and it was a great way to “plug in” to the community. It gave me an opportunity to meet other people in the church and to discuss some of the more difficult questions I was having about my faith. It was a wonderful, prayerful time and I would recommend it to anyone who is searching. Toward the end of the Alpha course, I had a car accident. The car sustained major damager and was in the car hospital for several weeks. I too sustained some damage – a ruptured ligament in my hand, which required surgery and cast for two months. Which was particularly fun as I opened a production of Beehive, the 60’s Musical at the Lazy Susan Dinner Theatre.
Summer… The lovely ladies I worked with were so supportive as I struggled with being one handed for the first few weeks of the run. The show was a LOT of fun! I got to wear some great costumes – a beehive wig and a long purple gown being two of my favorites. I sang some great tunes from the girl groups of the 60’s. The ladies I worked with were a blast. I took a jaunt in early summer to Chicago to see a terrific production of Henry IV, parts one and two at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre. Jeffrey Carlson was stupendous in it and I can’t wait to see him in Hamlet in DC this summer. It was a lovely trip and Chicago, I think, is at its best in late spring/ early summer.
Fall… Beehive really took up a lot of time for me and I received increased responsibility at work. It’s been a challenge and a very busy time. I was working on one too many projects and not taking very good care of myself. I ended up in the hospital for a day and in bed for a week right after the dinner theatre show closed. It didn’t help that I was rehearsing a reading in Baltimore, costuming the men for the musical at the dinner theatre, fighting a cold and oh did I mention increased responsibility at work? Yeah, I made a mess of October.
The Holidays… It started off terrific with a Michael W. Smith Christmas concert at Strathmore in Rockville, MD. This hall has the best acoustics I have ever experienced! I have been working on the next show at the Susan, in a low impact Assistant Director capacity. I feel very honored that I was asked by my friend and cabaret guru, Lennie Watts to perform in one of series of benefit cabaret shows this Holiday Season. Thank goodness my dear Steven was at the piano or I would have simply been a puddle, as opposed to the quivering mess that I was! I am looking forward to having a week to myself at the end of the year to gather my thoughts, catch my breath and give thanks for the blessings past, present and future.
Looking forward… 2007 is already shaping up to be a whopper! I will be performing in a cabaret show God on Broadway and January 26, 2007. It will be at Ebenezer’s Coffeehouse – owned and operated by my church, NCC. It’s a great exploration of faith using songs from Broadway shows. I am also working on the artistic team for another special project at NCC… the musical Godspell will be produced in the Spring of 2007. I am very excited about that and I can’t wait to see what develops in the process. I am sure there will be more theatre in 2007 and I am hoping to do a solo cabaret show in New York and DC. Other than that…who knows! I am blessed and happy to be in the universe these days.
I hope that this year has been a year of growth and blessing for you. My prayer for you is that love and faith sustain you all the days of your life. If y’all get a chance, keep in touch.
May tomorrow be a perfect day,
May you find love and laughter along the way,
May God keep you in His tender care…
‘till He brings us together again.
Another year in review :)
Winter… It began with a loss, my dear friend John Charles Gonzales Stanley passed away on January 18th after battling cancer. He was a brilliant light in my life and I miss him all the time.
In January and February I costumed two shows for area theatres and actually got reviewed in the Washington Post. Neato! Maybe I should be a costumer….
Spring, I joined a small group at the church I am attending, National Community Church. It was called Alpha and it was a great way to “plug in” to the community. It gave me an opportunity to meet other people in the church and to discuss some of the more difficult questions I was having about my faith. It was a wonderful, prayerful time and I would recommend it to anyone who is searching. Toward the end of the Alpha course, I had a car accident. The car sustained major damager and was in the car hospital for several weeks. I too sustained some damage – a ruptured ligament in my hand, which required surgery and cast for two months. Which was particularly fun as I opened a production of Beehive, the 60’s Musical at the Lazy Susan Dinner Theatre.
Summer… The lovely ladies I worked with were so supportive as I struggled with being one handed for the first few weeks of the run. The show was a LOT of fun! I got to wear some great costumes – a beehive wig and a long purple gown being two of my favorites. I sang some great tunes from the girl groups of the 60’s. The ladies I worked with were a blast. I took a jaunt in early summer to Chicago to see a terrific production of Henry IV, parts one and two at the Chicago Shakespeare Theatre. Jeffrey Carlson was stupendous in it and I can’t wait to see him in Hamlet in DC this summer. It was a lovely trip and Chicago, I think, is at its best in late spring/ early summer.
Fall… Beehive really took up a lot of time for me and I received increased responsibility at work. It’s been a challenge and a very busy time. I was working on one too many projects and not taking very good care of myself. I ended up in the hospital for a day and in bed for a week right after the dinner theatre show closed. It didn’t help that I was rehearsing a reading in Baltimore, costuming the men for the musical at the dinner theatre, fighting a cold and oh did I mention increased responsibility at work? Yeah, I made a mess of October.
The Holidays… It started off terrific with a Michael W. Smith Christmas concert at Strathmore in Rockville, MD. This hall has the best acoustics I have ever experienced! I have been working on the next show at the Susan, in a low impact Assistant Director capacity. I feel very honored that I was asked by my friend and cabaret guru, Lennie Watts to perform in one of series of benefit cabaret shows this Holiday Season. Thank goodness my dear Steven was at the piano or I would have simply been a puddle, as opposed to the quivering mess that I was! I am looking forward to having a week to myself at the end of the year to gather my thoughts, catch my breath and give thanks for the blessings past, present and future.
Looking forward… 2007 is already shaping up to be a whopper! I will be performing in a cabaret show God on Broadway and January 26, 2007. It will be at Ebenezer’s Coffeehouse – owned and operated by my church, NCC. It’s a great exploration of faith using songs from Broadway shows. I am also working on the artistic team for another special project at NCC… the musical Godspell will be produced in the Spring of 2007. I am very excited about that and I can’t wait to see what develops in the process. I am sure there will be more theatre in 2007 and I am hoping to do a solo cabaret show in New York and DC. Other than that…who knows! I am blessed and happy to be in the universe these days.
I hope that this year has been a year of growth and blessing for you. My prayer for you is that love and faith sustain you all the days of your life. If y’all get a chance, keep in touch.
May tomorrow be a perfect day,
May you find love and laughter along the way,
May God keep you in His tender care…
‘till He brings us together again.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Okay Okay...
So the party wasnt that bad.
I did have to take the pills to get there and I held up the wall for an hour or so. Then, I sort of hid in the corner for a bit. Then I relaxed.
The worst thing that you can give to an office party is a karaoke machine and alcohol, that is all I am going to say about that.
One of my "podmates" played an awesome joke on me. He kept telling people that I was going to sing " Feliz Navidad". Whaaaat?!?!?! He got about 20 people to ask me- it was hilarious!
I didnt eat any of the food, but it looked okay. I had a couple of cokes and talked to the people I like from work ( see rant - I was right).
I got a chance to speak to my office crush. I wish I knew a way to tell him that I like him and would like to get to know him better. But, as usual, I am a feardy cat and dont say what I need say when I need to say it.
I'm just glad that I got through the party in one piece. :)
I did have to take the pills to get there and I held up the wall for an hour or so. Then, I sort of hid in the corner for a bit. Then I relaxed.
The worst thing that you can give to an office party is a karaoke machine and alcohol, that is all I am going to say about that.
One of my "podmates" played an awesome joke on me. He kept telling people that I was going to sing " Feliz Navidad". Whaaaat?!?!?! He got about 20 people to ask me- it was hilarious!
I didnt eat any of the food, but it looked okay. I had a couple of cokes and talked to the people I like from work ( see rant - I was right).
I got a chance to speak to my office crush. I wish I knew a way to tell him that I like him and would like to get to know him better. But, as usual, I am a feardy cat and dont say what I need say when I need to say it.
I'm just glad that I got through the party in one piece. :)
Monday, December 18, 2006
You know what I hate? - warning HUGE RANT
I hate being forced into something.
I hate being forced into social situations.
I hate being told what a good time I will have if I go.
I just hate it.
And that is why I am pouting... I have just been ordered to go to the Holiday party at Ye Olde. " Just sashay in and give out some air kisses."
Ugh.
These are some of the most un natural events known to man.
I dont want to be friends with most of the people at Ye Olde. I'll be nice and I'll be friendly - but can I at least have my evenings free?
If I want to be your friend, you'll know it... we wont have to bond at a freeking Christmas party!!!!!!
I hate it hate it hate it.
I hate being asked if I am going to sing karaoke ( HELL NO I AM NOT GOING TO SING FOR YOU DRUNK JERKS).
Can't you just give me a 20.00 gift card instead? It would be a much merrier occasion for me.
For those of you who dont know, I have a pretty serious social anxiety issue. I will have to take medication to go to this event. I will now spend the next four hours stewing about it and trying not to be mean to lovely people who just want me to have a good time.
I will also try really hard not to be bitter and angry towards the person who started this internal rant. I know that I am his prized pig and he wants to show me off. It makes him look better if I am at this party shucking and jiving - it shows how happy his part of the farm is if the big pig squeals at the Christmas party.
Well sooooueee and F*&^ you. Hope I dont crash my car on the way home after being hopped up on Xanax to get through a freeking holiday party.
oink.
I hate being forced into social situations.
I hate being told what a good time I will have if I go.
I just hate it.
And that is why I am pouting... I have just been ordered to go to the Holiday party at Ye Olde. " Just sashay in and give out some air kisses."
Ugh.
These are some of the most un natural events known to man.
I dont want to be friends with most of the people at Ye Olde. I'll be nice and I'll be friendly - but can I at least have my evenings free?
If I want to be your friend, you'll know it... we wont have to bond at a freeking Christmas party!!!!!!
I hate it hate it hate it.
I hate being asked if I am going to sing karaoke ( HELL NO I AM NOT GOING TO SING FOR YOU DRUNK JERKS).
Can't you just give me a 20.00 gift card instead? It would be a much merrier occasion for me.
For those of you who dont know, I have a pretty serious social anxiety issue. I will have to take medication to go to this event. I will now spend the next four hours stewing about it and trying not to be mean to lovely people who just want me to have a good time.
I will also try really hard not to be bitter and angry towards the person who started this internal rant. I know that I am his prized pig and he wants to show me off. It makes him look better if I am at this party shucking and jiving - it shows how happy his part of the farm is if the big pig squeals at the Christmas party.
Well sooooueee and F*&^ you. Hope I dont crash my car on the way home after being hopped up on Xanax to get through a freeking holiday party.
oink.
The best of a New York Sunday...
We rolled out of bed and checked out the luxurious Red Roof Inn and went back into the city. I had made reservations for Julie, Liz and I at Thalia ( Liz and I had seen it it on a Rachael Ray show and decided we had to eat there). We arrived in town with enough time to walk up Broadway and take in the sights. Times Square is always a trip. We walked up to music mecca Colony Records. I was so inspired by the show the day before I set about getting some new music to work on.
Brunch was superb! Liz had the most lovely looking french toast, Julie had the pankcakes - fluffy and delightful and I had the savory deliciousness that was the frittata - Yum O! ( you knew I had to say it)
The Ladies and I did a little shopping on 9th Ave and headed to the theatre for the matinee of High Fidelity. I ran into a couple of people I knew, including the Company Manager of the show. I didn't realize that it was the closing day of the show... oops.
About the play, it's so specific... you have to have seen the movie and been a product of the 1980's for it to mean anything at all to you. I can see why it didnt have a long shelf life. But I had a good time.
Anyhoo-after the show we gathered our bags and gave our best to MoMo. We travelled down the road back to DC - tired but happy. It was a GREAT GREAT weekend and I look forward to many more in 2007.
Brunch was superb! Liz had the most lovely looking french toast, Julie had the pankcakes - fluffy and delightful and I had the savory deliciousness that was the frittata - Yum O! ( you knew I had to say it)
The Ladies and I did a little shopping on 9th Ave and headed to the theatre for the matinee of High Fidelity. I ran into a couple of people I knew, including the Company Manager of the show. I didn't realize that it was the closing day of the show... oops.
About the play, it's so specific... you have to have seen the movie and been a product of the 1980's for it to mean anything at all to you. I can see why it didnt have a long shelf life. But I had a good time.
Anyhoo-after the show we gathered our bags and gave our best to MoMo. We travelled down the road back to DC - tired but happy. It was a GREAT GREAT weekend and I look forward to many more in 2007.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
What Chou lookin' at?
After the big show...
I took some pictures with my peeps. I realized that I didnt have any current pictures with my NY family. I miss them a lot and I want to have some snaps of them at my office and stuff ( and as soon as I get them downloaded a few up here too ;) ). Then Barry, Marty, Julie, Liz and I went to dinner. We had yummy Italian food at Patsy's in Chelsea and then stepped next door for Choux - puff pastry french japanese style ! Liz and I were so excited by it that we bought a dozen!!!! After purchasing our pastry, we headed back to Jersey. We devoured choux after choux and then fell into a choux coma... well not really, but we were definately really full of choux.
Liz tried to go to sleep, but I knew that Justin Timberlake was on SNL so I was game to see if he would be as funny as he was the last time. He did NOT dissapoint. The highlight of course was the short with JT and the Sandberg kid, " D&^% in a Box" funnay.
I fell asleep laughing.
I took some pictures with my peeps. I realized that I didnt have any current pictures with my NY family. I miss them a lot and I want to have some snaps of them at my office and stuff ( and as soon as I get them downloaded a few up here too ;) ). Then Barry, Marty, Julie, Liz and I went to dinner. We had yummy Italian food at Patsy's in Chelsea and then stepped next door for Choux - puff pastry french japanese style ! Liz and I were so excited by it that we bought a dozen!!!! After purchasing our pastry, we headed back to Jersey. We devoured choux after choux and then fell into a choux coma... well not really, but we were definately really full of choux.
Liz tried to go to sleep, but I knew that Justin Timberlake was on SNL so I was game to see if he would be as funny as he was the last time. He did NOT dissapoint. The highlight of course was the short with JT and the Sandberg kid, " D&^% in a Box" funnay.
I fell asleep laughing.
Rehearsal... and showtime!
Okay, so I walk up 22nd street on my way to the benefit rehearsal. I've never been to this place so I dont know what side of street it's on. I am still pretty keyed up from the cabbie interaction. I even pull out my phone - I was trying to call MoMo and my sister in the cab and yell about the cabbie. Fortunately, the call didnt connect.
I saw the marquee accross the street and crossed. My stomach dropped and my hands started to sweat. I felt completely unprepared. I felt sick. But I crossed the street, opened the door and went in. There was a friendly face at the host stand so we chatted a little while. Over her shoulder, I saw my beloved Steven at the piano rehearsing with someone else on the bill. He gave me a wink and and tried to make that enough to calm me down. I paced and went to the ladies room and paced some more and ate about 20 cough drops. Lennie arrived and teased me and we caught up a little.Then it was my turn to rehearse. I got up on the stage and I sang my songs and really shoud be more confident. Steeven gave me the " youre crazy but I love you" look as I got swallowed up in neurosis. After I finished singing through, I felt a little better. I knew the Holiday song better than I thought I did. I wrote out the words and went downstairs to change.
Putting on one of my "singing" dresses and some of my "power pumps" from work gave me a boost. Some of the other people on the bill said some nice to me too, boosted my ego. We waited a while and then went upstairs and sat on the side to watch each other perform.
It was really neat. The bill was great and varied... some were a little odd, some were funny and some were - me! When I got up there to do my thing, I was shaking, despite that, I hit " I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For?" pretty hard and pretty well :). Then I stumbled a little on "Don't Save It All For Christmas Day", but I cleaned up at the end and I think I was well recieved. I was glad that Barry, Marty, Julie and my Sis were able to see the show.
The most important thing that happened thought, was that the fire for singing was rekindled. I feel like God gave me this opportunity to give me a little tap on my shoulder. I hear you, God - I'm listening.
I saw the marquee accross the street and crossed. My stomach dropped and my hands started to sweat. I felt completely unprepared. I felt sick. But I crossed the street, opened the door and went in. There was a friendly face at the host stand so we chatted a little while. Over her shoulder, I saw my beloved Steven at the piano rehearsing with someone else on the bill. He gave me a wink and and tried to make that enough to calm me down. I paced and went to the ladies room and paced some more and ate about 20 cough drops. Lennie arrived and teased me and we caught up a little.Then it was my turn to rehearse. I got up on the stage and I sang my songs and really shoud be more confident. Steeven gave me the " youre crazy but I love you" look as I got swallowed up in neurosis. After I finished singing through, I felt a little better. I knew the Holiday song better than I thought I did. I wrote out the words and went downstairs to change.
Putting on one of my "singing" dresses and some of my "power pumps" from work gave me a boost. Some of the other people on the bill said some nice to me too, boosted my ego. We waited a while and then went upstairs and sat on the side to watch each other perform.
It was really neat. The bill was great and varied... some were a little odd, some were funny and some were - me! When I got up there to do my thing, I was shaking, despite that, I hit " I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For?" pretty hard and pretty well :). Then I stumbled a little on "Don't Save It All For Christmas Day", but I cleaned up at the end and I think I was well recieved. I was glad that Barry, Marty, Julie and my Sis were able to see the show.
The most important thing that happened thought, was that the fire for singing was rekindled. I feel like God gave me this opportunity to give me a little tap on my shoulder. I hear you, God - I'm listening.
The Stuff That Happened Before.
My sister and I met MoMo in the city on the delightful and shi shi lishious Upper West Side and we had lunch at O'Neals. I had the best olive rolls there. They were salty and warm and sooooo awesome with butter. Since we didnt have breakfast, I decided to have a big-ish lunch. I had a steak sandwhich... I thought it was going to be along the lines of a steak um or a Philly cheesesteak - but it was hunk of steak. It took a lot work but I made it through ;). I was very proud of myself I was able to articulate my feelings of fear about the performance. Instead of bottling up my feelings, I simply said to my lunch companions was "I feel like skipping the whole thing... I'm too scared to do this." It made me feel so much better to just say it out loud.
After lunch, we hopped a cab and set out downtown for the Metropolitan Room. I had a rehearsal before the big to do. The cabbie gave me hard time about the door handle when we got in the cab and it just made cranky (one of usual manifestations nervousness). The trip was short, but I got to see where MoMo works. It's near the Flatiron building, a NYC landmark. When I got out of the cab, I struggled with the door again and he yelled at me. This time, I yelled back. My sister and MoMo stayed in the cab - they headed further South to the Union Square Holiday Market. My sister was looking for a unique gift for one of her good girlfriends and MoMo wanted to visit the market - she had been to all the other Holiday Markets in town :). Apparently, when I got out of the cab MoMo and my sister gave this guy heck about his berating me. Gotta love the girls!
After lunch, we hopped a cab and set out downtown for the Metropolitan Room. I had a rehearsal before the big to do. The cabbie gave me hard time about the door handle when we got in the cab and it just made cranky (one of usual manifestations nervousness). The trip was short, but I got to see where MoMo works. It's near the Flatiron building, a NYC landmark. When I got out of the cab, I struggled with the door again and he yelled at me. This time, I yelled back. My sister and MoMo stayed in the cab - they headed further South to the Union Square Holiday Market. My sister was looking for a unique gift for one of her good girlfriends and MoMo wanted to visit the market - she had been to all the other Holiday Markets in town :). Apparently, when I got out of the cab MoMo and my sister gave this guy heck about his berating me. Gotta love the girls!
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Destination New York
My sister and I hit the road for NYC... We took her car, truck, SUV thing, she calls "Blue Boy". She drove us out of DC and up 295 to Balitmore, we stopped for a little Chik-fil-A and shopping trip to get some "provisions". She drove us to New Jersey and at the first stop on the turnpike and then I took over on the road. I thought I was being all smooth and cool driving up to the city. I had done it a million times before and I had even been to the hotel before. So why was it that I overshot the place by like 10 miles! I was at the George Washington Bridge - almost where I used to live in the city. Eventually, we made it to the hotel, the lovely Red Roof Inn in Secaucus we turned on the TV , had some snacks, giggled and made plans for the next day.
Awesome.
Awesome.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Oh, Sidebar...
I think it is interesting and telling that I turned down a project a week or so ago and I havent heard from my friend who asked since then. Sometimes I feel my value as a friend is solely based in what I can do for them.
Five minutes from enlightenment.
( probably the name of my next cabaret show...lol)
Five minutes from enlightenment.
( probably the name of my next cabaret show...lol)
Five Minutes from True Love.
Sometimes I am five minutes too late. Sometimes I have waited five minutes too long. If I could just wait five minutes love would be here.
Television tells me that only skinny white women have dates. My personal experience tells me that gay guys find true love and women always compromise. Other women.
Because when I compromise, I still don't get what I want. When I stand my ground I dont get what I want. When I wait, it doesnt comes to me. When I let it go, it doesnt comes back. It was never mine, right? When I pray, I feel relaxed and redeemed, but alone. Am I five minutes from solitude?
So, i'll go to bed alone, wake up alone - put on the mask and put on the show. Does it matter? I guess i'll always be five minutes from knowing.
This stemmed from a survey of ex boyfriends and flirtations... names and pictures of people who have "loved" me and a promise to call at 9pm from TBND. ( it's 12:30am... should I wait five more minutes?...LOL)
Who will wait five minutes for me?
Television tells me that only skinny white women have dates. My personal experience tells me that gay guys find true love and women always compromise. Other women.
Because when I compromise, I still don't get what I want. When I stand my ground I dont get what I want. When I wait, it doesnt comes to me. When I let it go, it doesnt comes back. It was never mine, right? When I pray, I feel relaxed and redeemed, but alone. Am I five minutes from solitude?
So, i'll go to bed alone, wake up alone - put on the mask and put on the show. Does it matter? I guess i'll always be five minutes from knowing.
This stemmed from a survey of ex boyfriends and flirtations... names and pictures of people who have "loved" me and a promise to call at 9pm from TBND. ( it's 12:30am... should I wait five more minutes?...LOL)
Who will wait five minutes for me?
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Genna, thy name is PROCRASTINATION
It's 11pm, the night before a trip and what am I doing? Well aside from blogging... washing clothes, printing sheet music... all stuff that should have been done hours ago or days ago. I knew what I was going to sing, why didnt I print the music? And now the program has eaten one of my songs so Im either going to have to buy a U2 songbook tomorrow or pray that they have one at Colony mere hours before the show. I dont think I have done the right loads of laundry!
Meanwhile, I friend just told me her travelling companion for a trip to Europe has already packed... the trip is in two weeks! Come on! It's just not natural to be that organized...or to not want to wear all your faves in the two weeks before a trip.
I dunno...but that paralysis that comes over me when I have too much to do is starting to sink in. Maybe i'll make myself feel worse by calling TBND who said he would call me two hours ago. Boys suck... packing sucks... I think I'll eat a cookie.
Meanwhile, I friend just told me her travelling companion for a trip to Europe has already packed... the trip is in two weeks! Come on! It's just not natural to be that organized...or to not want to wear all your faves in the two weeks before a trip.
I dunno...but that paralysis that comes over me when I have too much to do is starting to sink in. Maybe i'll make myself feel worse by calling TBND who said he would call me two hours ago. Boys suck... packing sucks... I think I'll eat a cookie.
Just another day at Ye Olde...
This is one of the difficulties about working here. Working here.
No really, my boss and I play this game, or rather, my boss plays this game with me. I ask for time off...he tortures me and then gives it to me.
Perhaps it's my Catholic upbringing...but I always feel guilty about taking time off. So I wait, and I hesitate and I dont take it. I was asked a few weeks ago about my holiday plans. The email came and a wave a dread washed over me like Tsunami. I ignored it. Then I realized, that if I didn't say anything I was going to end up bitterly sitting at my desk during the four days I wanted off. So, I sent the email.
It was responded to by a snarky " why didn't you ask me earlier and who is going to do your job when yorue not here" email. To which I blew my top. I went down to the executive wing ... I dont know what I thought I was going to do...tattle I suppose, like a little girl. Then I started writing a scathing email - which I knew would only cause my confusion and tension. I simply replied to him and said - we need to talk.
So we went into an empty office and I told him I hated that I felt this way everytime I wanted some time off. He flipped his game and started telling me how I needed to take the time - I was owed the time and how I should get over feeling guilty.
I went back to my pod feeling like a hamster in a hamsterball. My boss likes to see me run in circles. He loves to make sure I know who is in control. I wish I was more Machiavellian and could really use my " powers" to destroy his perfect world. But I cannot, so I sit here - with my days off... but feeling a little less strong, a little less good about myself, a little more ashamed of the way I allow people to treat me.
Score one for the bad guys.
No really, my boss and I play this game, or rather, my boss plays this game with me. I ask for time off...he tortures me and then gives it to me.
Perhaps it's my Catholic upbringing...but I always feel guilty about taking time off. So I wait, and I hesitate and I dont take it. I was asked a few weeks ago about my holiday plans. The email came and a wave a dread washed over me like Tsunami. I ignored it. Then I realized, that if I didn't say anything I was going to end up bitterly sitting at my desk during the four days I wanted off. So, I sent the email.
It was responded to by a snarky " why didn't you ask me earlier and who is going to do your job when yorue not here" email. To which I blew my top. I went down to the executive wing ... I dont know what I thought I was going to do...tattle I suppose, like a little girl. Then I started writing a scathing email - which I knew would only cause my confusion and tension. I simply replied to him and said - we need to talk.
So we went into an empty office and I told him I hated that I felt this way everytime I wanted some time off. He flipped his game and started telling me how I needed to take the time - I was owed the time and how I should get over feeling guilty.
I went back to my pod feeling like a hamster in a hamsterball. My boss likes to see me run in circles. He loves to make sure I know who is in control. I wish I was more Machiavellian and could really use my " powers" to destroy his perfect world. But I cannot, so I sit here - with my days off... but feeling a little less strong, a little less good about myself, a little more ashamed of the way I allow people to treat me.
Score one for the bad guys.
Sometimes when we touch...
Last night I was sitting in my bed, in the dark and an overwhelming need to connect came over me. I grabbed my phone and I scrolled through the names. It was late, so tried Beloved, hoping that he was between shows or on his way home. He picked up right away. Almost instantly I started to cry. I dont even know why - perhaps I missed him...perhaps I just needed a a good cry.
I told him I was very ambivelent about coming to the city this weekend to sing. He, of course, asked me why. I couldnt answer. I simply said " I really want to and I am really afraid to and it would be so much easier if I just stayed home."
He said, " You need to sing. I miss your voice." and I knew I could do nothing but make the arrangements to go to NYC this weekend.
I know that there is more music in my future in 2007. I know it is past time to sing. I feel the pull once more. I don't know whether that is a pull back to the city or a pull to perform. Either way, I will follow the pull and see where it leads me. Or see where He leads me...
Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Through the storm,
Through the night
Lead me on, to the light
Take my hand, precious Lord... and lead me home.
I told him I was very ambivelent about coming to the city this weekend to sing. He, of course, asked me why. I couldnt answer. I simply said " I really want to and I am really afraid to and it would be so much easier if I just stayed home."
He said, " You need to sing. I miss your voice." and I knew I could do nothing but make the arrangements to go to NYC this weekend.
I know that there is more music in my future in 2007. I know it is past time to sing. I feel the pull once more. I don't know whether that is a pull back to the city or a pull to perform. Either way, I will follow the pull and see where it leads me. Or see where He leads me...
Precious Lord, take my hand
Lead me on, help me stand
I am tired, I am weak, I am worn
Through the storm,
Through the night
Lead me on, to the light
Take my hand, precious Lord... and lead me home.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Research Paper
In order to get into grad school I have submit a scholarly article or research paper. I havent done work like that in about 15 years. So, its a little scary.
I dont have a topic. Any ideas?
I dont have a topic. Any ideas?
Thursday, December 07, 2006
I did it.
I said no to something. It was the bravest thing I have done in a long time. I really wanted to do it, but I am determined not to overload myself like I did in October and adding this one project would put me darned near close to the work load I was at before I got sick. This is a good thing. I was able to say no and say why.
Why do I feel crappy about it?
Why do I feel crappy about it?
I don't know what to think.
Okay, so last night I was all about cleaning up my food intake and I drove through Mickey D's for breakfast this morning. I'm weak - so sue me.
I also decided to get the whole Boy Next door thing out of my system. I felt like I needed some answers so I asked for them. I left him a message and said " look if you dont want to see me anymore, cool - just tell me why so I dont make the same mistake again" I even gave him a time he could call to assure that I wouldnt answer the phone.
He called back five minutes later.
The first words out of his mouth were " I love you." The screaming in my head started after that so I cant really tell you what was said after that.
I dont understand people. I especially dont understand men people.
I do understand that the only thing I will ever be able to control is myself and my reactions to things. I am learning the lessons... I just dont like them.
I also decided to get the whole Boy Next door thing out of my system. I felt like I needed some answers so I asked for them. I left him a message and said " look if you dont want to see me anymore, cool - just tell me why so I dont make the same mistake again" I even gave him a time he could call to assure that I wouldnt answer the phone.
He called back five minutes later.
The first words out of his mouth were " I love you." The screaming in my head started after that so I cant really tell you what was said after that.
I dont understand people. I especially dont understand men people.
I do understand that the only thing I will ever be able to control is myself and my reactions to things. I am learning the lessons... I just dont like them.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Give Me A Voice
I am singing in a benefit cabaret in New York City next weekend. I both thrilled and terrfied to be a part of this project. Although I spent three months singing my face off ( as my darling intern would say), it wasnt for people who meant anything to me. I know that doesn't sound nice, but it's true. They were punters you know, people who paid thier money and wanted a hot meal and some people to sing for them.
The audience for this show is both fans of cabaret, and fans of the other people on the bill. They are New Yorkers so they expect a lot for thier 25$. Im sure I am overthinking this, as usual but it has given me pause for thought.
I have changed my songs about four times. I tried to get feedback from "beloved" but he wont call me back ( hmm is this just a pattern in my life ?"men who dont call and the women who love them on the next Oprah") So, I am going up there with two Christmas songs and I pray that will be good enough.
Ok, Ill stop worrying about it for now..
If youre in New York and you want to see neurosis in action ;) come see me in " Give me a Voice" a benefit for Oprah's Angel Network at the Metropolitan Room 34 West 22 ( between 5/6) Saturday, December 16 5:00pm. For more information
Saturday, December 16th at 5:00 PM
The audience for this show is both fans of cabaret, and fans of the other people on the bill. They are New Yorkers so they expect a lot for thier 25$. Im sure I am overthinking this, as usual but it has given me pause for thought.
I have changed my songs about four times. I tried to get feedback from "beloved" but he wont call me back ( hmm is this just a pattern in my life ?"men who dont call and the women who love them on the next Oprah") So, I am going up there with two Christmas songs and I pray that will be good enough.
Ok, Ill stop worrying about it for now..
If youre in New York and you want to see neurosis in action ;) come see me in " Give me a Voice" a benefit for Oprah's Angel Network at the Metropolitan Room 34 West 22 ( between 5/6) Saturday, December 16 5:00pm. For more information
Saturday, December 16th at 5:00 PM
"Give Me A 'Holiday' Voice"
25 Cover + 2 Beverage Minimum
Hosted by Lennie Watts with Steven Ray Watkins at the piano.
Featuring the talents of:
TOM ANDERSEN
LISA ASHER
BOBBY BELFRY
FRANK DAIN
BABY JANE DEXTER
TIM DI PASQUA
RUBEN FLORES AND JANA MARTINEZ
KELLY HOWE
PHYLLIS PASTORE
MILES PHILLIPS
JULIE ROGELSTADT
CLARK WARREN
GENEVIEVE WILLIAMS
WITH STEVE DOYLE ON BASS
God's tryin ter tell me sumptin..
Perhaps I should lay off the fast food. With the banning of transfats in New York City and e coli outbreak at one of my mainstays of fastfoodiness, Taco Bell... perhaps it is finally time to roll up the car window and to just say no to the junk food. I dont need it, lawd knows I don't need it.
grr... what will I do for comfort now?
grr... what will I do for comfort now?
" I'll give it till..."
That's what a lot of people at Ye Olde are saying. I'll give it till and then they have a goal event or time.... a reason for them to leave here.
Except, I dont have one of those. I am just free falling, career wise. Doing what makes other people happy.
The big cheese of Ye Olde gave out certficates for length of service today. He prefaced it by talking about how there wasnt a lot of room for upward mobility, but that Ye Olde was a great training ground. That we have positioned ourselves a such with intern programs and fellowships and other training programs. It made me question what I was learning. How am I growing here? I am working harder. I am doing more. I am teaching myself how to do things. But for what end? Right now, just for the good of Ye Olde - which cares not for my good.
It came to me, though, in the middle of a big staff meeting, that I should start working towards something I have been talking about for a long time. A Masters degree... and a Masters in something I want it to be involved in, not something that will further my current career - which I do cuz it is
"something to do".
I met the head of the program that I have been really interested in applying for today. He is doing some work for the upcoming show at Ye Olde. He was really nice and suggested that one day when he was at rehearsal we have a coffee together and talk about the program and my goals and all that. Hence the thinking about my goals. I totally was feeling lost yesterday and cranky this am, but now, I feel a little more hopeful.
Now that I have paid off the college I can actually have my materials sent...LOL
Time for tea...
Except, I dont have one of those. I am just free falling, career wise. Doing what makes other people happy.
The big cheese of Ye Olde gave out certficates for length of service today. He prefaced it by talking about how there wasnt a lot of room for upward mobility, but that Ye Olde was a great training ground. That we have positioned ourselves a such with intern programs and fellowships and other training programs. It made me question what I was learning. How am I growing here? I am working harder. I am doing more. I am teaching myself how to do things. But for what end? Right now, just for the good of Ye Olde - which cares not for my good.
It came to me, though, in the middle of a big staff meeting, that I should start working towards something I have been talking about for a long time. A Masters degree... and a Masters in something I want it to be involved in, not something that will further my current career - which I do cuz it is
"something to do".
I met the head of the program that I have been really interested in applying for today. He is doing some work for the upcoming show at Ye Olde. He was really nice and suggested that one day when he was at rehearsal we have a coffee together and talk about the program and my goals and all that. Hence the thinking about my goals. I totally was feeling lost yesterday and cranky this am, but now, I feel a little more hopeful.
Now that I have paid off the college I can actually have my materials sent...LOL
Time for tea...
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Happy Birthday, Johnny.
You asked me what I want this year
And I'll try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
... so take these words...
...and sing out loud...
::sigh:: Happy Birthday John Rzeznik
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Back to the Future...
I was surfing the net this evening, reading the ABC soaps site... I have a friend who recently started a stint on one of the shows. I saw a link for the Luke and Laura 25th anniversary. I went through the pages and it brought back so many memories!
It was like having a virtual family reunion. Every weekday afternoon at 3pm, I joined my television family in Port Charles, NY. General Hospital became an essential part of my life. When I was 11 years old, I sat in front of the TV and cried and cried during the television wedding of Luke and Laura. I dreamt of being Laura - swept away by love, adventure and romance. This was the era of Princess Diana and my discovery of romance novels.
I still believe in romance. I still believe in happily ever after. Whether I find it in the movies, on TV, in the pages of a novel or in my arms for real... I know I will have it.
Friday, December 01, 2006
The Boy Next Door...
...has dissappeared. Yes, you heard me right. He hasn't called in a week. I havent called him. He is offcially M.I.A. Or rather, he has decided to dump me in the most cowardly way possible. Just stop talking to me. I am not sure why men think this is a good idea.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Being Alive, Being Alone.
I’ve not yet found a way to be alright with being alone. I don’t mean not having any friends or anything like that. I mean not having a partner in life. Not having sex, not having a home base, not having that thing that society tells you that you should have.
I have spent a lot of time pursuing this “thing”. It has caused me heartache and loss of sleep and weight gain and all the finer things in life. It also has caused me to doubt my worth as a human being. It has caused me to compromise in my relationships, in ALL of my relationships. I find myself accepting crap from friends and lovers.
I don’t want to get the short end of the stick anymore. I don’t want second best. I don’t want to be surrounded by desperation and craziness and drama. I don’t want it, I don’t need it and I don’t deserve it.
No don’t cry for me Argentina, I am not soliciting advice or pity. Please don’t consider this a cry for help or an indication of anything of anything regarding anything specific. I am just stating what is on my mind, so that I can move on with the rest of my day.
I am sure that God has a plan for me. I am thankful for the journey. That’s what will carry me. I’m blessed. I just have work to do.
I have spent a lot of time pursuing this “thing”. It has caused me heartache and loss of sleep and weight gain and all the finer things in life. It also has caused me to doubt my worth as a human being. It has caused me to compromise in my relationships, in ALL of my relationships. I find myself accepting crap from friends and lovers.
I don’t want to get the short end of the stick anymore. I don’t want second best. I don’t want to be surrounded by desperation and craziness and drama. I don’t want it, I don’t need it and I don’t deserve it.
No don’t cry for me Argentina, I am not soliciting advice or pity. Please don’t consider this a cry for help or an indication of anything of anything regarding anything specific. I am just stating what is on my mind, so that I can move on with the rest of my day.
I am sure that God has a plan for me. I am thankful for the journey. That’s what will carry me. I’m blessed. I just have work to do.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
ELEVEN NAMES
1. YOUR name: Genna
2. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & street you grew up on )Anissia Nally
3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your middle name) G-Ann
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)Purple Cat
5.YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)Anne Washington
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name)Willgre
7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, favorite drink) The Purple Seabreeze
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of your grandfathers) James Shelton
9. FUTURISTIC NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne and the name of your favorite kind of shoes) Wish Slippers
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle name )Therese Alexander
11.PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, first car you owned) Anne Nova
2. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & street you grew up on )Anissia Nally
3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your middle name) G-Ann
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)Purple Cat
5.YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)Anne Washington
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name)Willgre
7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, favorite drink) The Purple Seabreeze
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first name of your grandfathers) James Shelton
9. FUTURISTIC NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne and the name of your favorite kind of shoes) Wish Slippers
10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle name )Therese Alexander
11.PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, first car you owned) Anne Nova
Monday, November 20, 2006
11/17 Arts Conference
I just sat through the first session of the Arts Marketing Conference I came to NYC for. I am totally engaged and excited by the ideas being presented. There are so many resources out there! The information is available to those who want to learn. And those who want to learn will always be the leader.
I also feel justified that I am right on track in what I an concentrating on at work. the " new media" initiative is totally the right thing to do. Wisely implementing these new products and ideas into our current marketing and engagement strategies is the key to being the on the cutting edge. it's what will make Ye Olde the gold standard.
I see the future here. Now I need some credentials to make it happen. I need to be truly empowered to make change. I guess I better look into the blasted MBA or Arts Management degree.
I just sat through the first session of the Arts Marketing Conference I came to NYC for. I am totally engaged and excited by the ideas being presented. There are so many resources out there! The information is available to those who want to learn. And those who want to learn will always be the leader.
I also feel justified that I am right on track in what I an concentrating on at work. the " new media" initiative is totally the right thing to do. Wisely implementing these new products and ideas into our current marketing and engagement strategies is the key to being the on the cutting edge. it's what will make Ye Olde the gold standard.
I see the future here. Now I need some credentials to make it happen. I need to be truly empowered to make change. I guess I better look into the blasted MBA or Arts Management degree.
11/16 Fancy Phone.
So I stepped up my technology game and bought a smart phone. For those of you who dont know - a smart phone is a cell phone, pda and pcoket pc all in one. FAAAAAANCY. Too Fancy. I can't get it to work. Isn't that awesome? I'm on a business trip and cant reach anyone. PLUS, because I thought I my fancyphone was going to be working, I didnt charge my old phone. So here I sit, disengaged from the world - with way too much technology in my bag.
So I stepped up my technology game and bought a smart phone. For those of you who dont know - a smart phone is a cell phone, pda and pcoket pc all in one. FAAAAAANCY. Too Fancy. I can't get it to work. Isn't that awesome? I'm on a business trip and cant reach anyone. PLUS, because I thought I my fancyphone was going to be working, I didnt charge my old phone. So here I sit, disengaged from the world - with way too much technology in my bag.
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Greetings from Ye Olde
So… am I reading a book called The Sociopath Next Door. It’s a fascinating read, really since uh; it looks like I may work for at least one.
I was told today that the department head ( sociopath ) thinks I may have time management issues. This stems from the fact that I was hospitalized and then was at home recuperating and things at the office didn’t get done. Oh, no wait…they did get done… from my home!
My boss believes that because the department head comes to me and just plonks new assignments on my desk and thinks that his jobs are more important than anyone else’s is the cause of this “ concern”. For the first time, I feel like my boss actually has my back. Which is a blessing since I really feel all alone here a lot of the time.
I know I am not alone, truly – that I am lifted when I cannot go on… I know that God is watching over me and wants the best for me. For some reason, this is where I need to be. I tell you though, it’s real frustrating to be told that someone who comes in four days a week from 11 – 3 thinks I have time management issues.
Ah me. I will lift it up to the Lord, hope for some clarity and get ready for my web seminar on “ The Digital School: marketing trends” Tra la…the glamour.
So… am I reading a book called The Sociopath Next Door. It’s a fascinating read, really since uh; it looks like I may work for at least one.
I was told today that the department head ( sociopath ) thinks I may have time management issues. This stems from the fact that I was hospitalized and then was at home recuperating and things at the office didn’t get done. Oh, no wait…they did get done… from my home!
My boss believes that because the department head comes to me and just plonks new assignments on my desk and thinks that his jobs are more important than anyone else’s is the cause of this “ concern”. For the first time, I feel like my boss actually has my back. Which is a blessing since I really feel all alone here a lot of the time.
I know I am not alone, truly – that I am lifted when I cannot go on… I know that God is watching over me and wants the best for me. For some reason, this is where I need to be. I tell you though, it’s real frustrating to be told that someone who comes in four days a week from 11 – 3 thinks I have time management issues.
Ah me. I will lift it up to the Lord, hope for some clarity and get ready for my web seminar on “ The Digital School: marketing trends” Tra la…the glamour.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Getting caught up in myself.
I spent the weekend very caught up in my own thoughts and my own fears. I worried too much and prayed too little. I went to sleep last night after reading a few pages of Joyce Meyer's latest book The Confident Woman. Something must have clicked in my subconcious because I woke up really peaceful - and early! I finished reading the section on unreasonable fear and she used an example of a woman whose worry and actions dealing with her husband almost caused the breakup of her marriage. When she offered the whole situation to God for some clarity - she realized that her feelings had more to do with the fact that her father left her mother then the behavior of her husband.
I found some revelation in this. My fear about how my relationship with TBND was progressing ( or not progressing) had little to do with TBND himself ( although, if the brotha doesnt learn how to call a person I may go crazy on 'im) but with my previous, painful experience with "Harry Potter".
This morning, I will simply pray about our realtionship and let God take care of it. I can only do what I can do. Worry is a tool of the enemy - desire to be in control all the time is a tool of the enemy. I can do better than that.
It's a good morning!
I spent the weekend very caught up in my own thoughts and my own fears. I worried too much and prayed too little. I went to sleep last night after reading a few pages of Joyce Meyer's latest book The Confident Woman. Something must have clicked in my subconcious because I woke up really peaceful - and early! I finished reading the section on unreasonable fear and she used an example of a woman whose worry and actions dealing with her husband almost caused the breakup of her marriage. When she offered the whole situation to God for some clarity - she realized that her feelings had more to do with the fact that her father left her mother then the behavior of her husband.
I found some revelation in this. My fear about how my relationship with TBND was progressing ( or not progressing) had little to do with TBND himself ( although, if the brotha doesnt learn how to call a person I may go crazy on 'im) but with my previous, painful experience with "Harry Potter".
This morning, I will simply pray about our realtionship and let God take care of it. I can only do what I can do. Worry is a tool of the enemy - desire to be in control all the time is a tool of the enemy. I can do better than that.
It's a good morning!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Use your words.
I am having some troubling figuring out how to say how I feel right now. I am clearly dealing with a depression, but I don't know what the source is. Perhaps it is cumulative. With the anniversary of Dad's passing last week, disapointment at the end of the week and a difficult rehearsal today - i just dont know what to blame.
I've talked about the whole anniversary thing. It's something I have to learn to live with.
In the middle of the week, I had a really pleasant suprise. The boy next door ( from now on known as TBND ) stopped by my house and we talked for a couple of hours in his car. We even shared a couple of sweet kisses. We made a date for Friday night and I was on cloud nine!
He called me on Friday morning and we talked about Friday night. Then... he stood me up. No call, no nothing. I dont know what happened. I havent been able to get in touch with him.
It was "Harry Potter" all over again. My british boyfriend worked all the time and when we talked he talked about all these plans he had for me and how he didnt want to work so much...and yet he did. And that would be why we arent together.
Is it happening all over again? I really thought I had done this differently. I mean, I didnt initiate this relationship and I didnt push it. Unfortunately, I always feel like I have done something when something like this happens.
I've been very very sad about it for two days now. Ive been eating horribly and sleeping a lot.
Then I went to rehearsal down at the Suz. That was a mistake. I ended up getting emotional about a choice the director made. The director, a laywer by trade, thought he could talk me into agreeing with him. That didnt happen. Then he admitted that employed a tactic that I find deplorable in directing - manipulation of the actor's emotions. It tapped into something and triggered more saddness in me.
I have to find a way get through stuff like this.
I am having some troubling figuring out how to say how I feel right now. I am clearly dealing with a depression, but I don't know what the source is. Perhaps it is cumulative. With the anniversary of Dad's passing last week, disapointment at the end of the week and a difficult rehearsal today - i just dont know what to blame.
I've talked about the whole anniversary thing. It's something I have to learn to live with.
In the middle of the week, I had a really pleasant suprise. The boy next door ( from now on known as TBND ) stopped by my house and we talked for a couple of hours in his car. We even shared a couple of sweet kisses. We made a date for Friday night and I was on cloud nine!
He called me on Friday morning and we talked about Friday night. Then... he stood me up. No call, no nothing. I dont know what happened. I havent been able to get in touch with him.
It was "Harry Potter" all over again. My british boyfriend worked all the time and when we talked he talked about all these plans he had for me and how he didnt want to work so much...and yet he did. And that would be why we arent together.
Is it happening all over again? I really thought I had done this differently. I mean, I didnt initiate this relationship and I didnt push it. Unfortunately, I always feel like I have done something when something like this happens.
I've been very very sad about it for two days now. Ive been eating horribly and sleeping a lot.
Then I went to rehearsal down at the Suz. That was a mistake. I ended up getting emotional about a choice the director made. The director, a laywer by trade, thought he could talk me into agreeing with him. That didnt happen. Then he admitted that employed a tactic that I find deplorable in directing - manipulation of the actor's emotions. It tapped into something and triggered more saddness in me.
I have to find a way get through stuff like this.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Thinking about best life practices.
I am contemplating a personal revolution. Taking stock of what I put into my body and how I use the gifts I have been given. I think tomorrow is the day I join Curves. I would like to slow eliminate the processed food out of my diet. I need a couple more years and I wont get them living the way I am living.
I also need to make a concerted effort to eliminate unessesary stress. Part of that is me taking the time to decide what I want and how to go about getting it. Ive been just doing what is available and obvious instead of what will propel me further to the purpose God has for me.
I am contemplating a personal revolution. Taking stock of what I put into my body and how I use the gifts I have been given. I think tomorrow is the day I join Curves. I would like to slow eliminate the processed food out of my diet. I need a couple more years and I wont get them living the way I am living.
I also need to make a concerted effort to eliminate unessesary stress. Part of that is me taking the time to decide what I want and how to go about getting it. Ive been just doing what is available and obvious instead of what will propel me further to the purpose God has for me.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Angry Emotional Rant.
I don't think that anyone at Ye Olde has any right to tell me what to do on my own time. I don't think that putting something in the worker handbook about " outside projects" is appropriate. I am angry that it was my department head who said anything about it.
I'm angry that they pay me less than half of what I am worth and expect me to not do anything else to satisfy my soul. I am very angry. I want to yell and scream and tell people off.
I know that is not the right thing to do. I also feel like quitting right now.
I know some of this is the day and the stress of supressing my emotions. I just dont like the fact that my boss feels the need to control every aspect of my life. This man talks about my weight and my clothes and my race and my lifestyle. He presses me for information about my mother and tells me what to do with my life every day.
I politely listen and quietly pray for guidance and for him. I guess that is all I can do, besides quit.
I need to breath. I need a break. I need some lunch. I can't believe this day is only half over.
I don't think that anyone at Ye Olde has any right to tell me what to do on my own time. I don't think that putting something in the worker handbook about " outside projects" is appropriate. I am angry that it was my department head who said anything about it.
I'm angry that they pay me less than half of what I am worth and expect me to not do anything else to satisfy my soul. I am very angry. I want to yell and scream and tell people off.
I know that is not the right thing to do. I also feel like quitting right now.
I know some of this is the day and the stress of supressing my emotions. I just dont like the fact that my boss feels the need to control every aspect of my life. This man talks about my weight and my clothes and my race and my lifestyle. He presses me for information about my mother and tells me what to do with my life every day.
I politely listen and quietly pray for guidance and for him. I guess that is all I can do, besides quit.
I need to breath. I need a break. I need some lunch. I can't believe this day is only half over.
hard day.
Today is the one year anniversary of my Dad's death. I am having a hard time concentrating - depression I suppose. I sort of wish I was curled up in bed reading and watching bad TV. Which is what my Mom and sister are doing. I really feel like I should be there. I will probably go home early today.
I miss you Dad.
Today is the one year anniversary of my Dad's death. I am having a hard time concentrating - depression I suppose. I sort of wish I was curled up in bed reading and watching bad TV. Which is what my Mom and sister are doing. I really feel like I should be there. I will probably go home early today.
I miss you Dad.
Monday, November 06, 2006
Putting it Together.
I have taken on the role of Assistant Director for the next show at The Suz. It's a funny thing, being AD. It depends on the Director, but the AD can be a nothing job or a huge one. I think this is going to be kind of big. This director has some aggression ( or lack there of) issues. He knows what he wants and he hopes that his actors know too. He tip toes around the heart of the matters and leaves a lot for the actors to find on thier own. Dinner theatre actors ( and this is a BROAD generalization) dont act well when left to thier own devices. Since they are mostly musical types - they only need to act to get from scene to scene.
That poses a problem when you are doing a murder mystery. It will be an interesting challenge to bring out the actor in some of these schmactors. As well as helping the director rise to the challenge. But that's my job... taking it all to the next level.
I have taken on the role of Assistant Director for the next show at The Suz. It's a funny thing, being AD. It depends on the Director, but the AD can be a nothing job or a huge one. I think this is going to be kind of big. This director has some aggression ( or lack there of) issues. He knows what he wants and he hopes that his actors know too. He tip toes around the heart of the matters and leaves a lot for the actors to find on thier own. Dinner theatre actors ( and this is a BROAD generalization) dont act well when left to thier own devices. Since they are mostly musical types - they only need to act to get from scene to scene.
That poses a problem when you are doing a murder mystery. It will be an interesting challenge to bring out the actor in some of these schmactors. As well as helping the director rise to the challenge. But that's my job... taking it all to the next level.
Walk this way.
I forgot to tell ya’ll about the Diabetes walk this past weekend. ( I say this as I chomp on Tootsie Rolls – I know, I’m stupid)
I am so proud of myself; I actually signed up, raised money and walked in the DC America’s Walk for Diabetes. It was 3miles around the Capitol and back. The day was sunny and cold. Perfect walking weather – not hot enough to get super sweaty and gross, but not cold enough to feel miserable outside. It was so easy to get to and so easy to do.
The local news guy Jim Handley was the MC and the opening to the walk was very moving. They handed out these bandanas that said “Every 21 seconds someone is diagnosed with Diabetes”. He asked everyone who had Diabetes to raise theirs. Then everyone who had someone in their family, then everyone who knew someone… the whole crowd waved the bandanas. I cried. I thought of my Dad.
God was smiling on us though, and as usual, he turned my mourning to dancing – or rather walking as my friend and I trekked up Capitol Hill and back down. I love that part of town. It was quiet and lovely. As we neared the end of the walk I started to feel the burn – but I also felt all warm inside for doing the walk.
I raised a little over 1,000 dollars from my generous friends and co workers! Totally amazing !!!
I feel very very blessed. It was a good way to start my weekend.
I forgot to tell ya’ll about the Diabetes walk this past weekend. ( I say this as I chomp on Tootsie Rolls – I know, I’m stupid)
I am so proud of myself; I actually signed up, raised money and walked in the DC America’s Walk for Diabetes. It was 3miles around the Capitol and back. The day was sunny and cold. Perfect walking weather – not hot enough to get super sweaty and gross, but not cold enough to feel miserable outside. It was so easy to get to and so easy to do.
The local news guy Jim Handley was the MC and the opening to the walk was very moving. They handed out these bandanas that said “Every 21 seconds someone is diagnosed with Diabetes”. He asked everyone who had Diabetes to raise theirs. Then everyone who had someone in their family, then everyone who knew someone… the whole crowd waved the bandanas. I cried. I thought of my Dad.
God was smiling on us though, and as usual, he turned my mourning to dancing – or rather walking as my friend and I trekked up Capitol Hill and back down. I love that part of town. It was quiet and lovely. As we neared the end of the walk I started to feel the burn – but I also felt all warm inside for doing the walk.
I raised a little over 1,000 dollars from my generous friends and co workers! Totally amazing !!!
I feel very very blessed. It was a good way to start my weekend.
Yikes.
I absorb the feelings of the people around me. I tend to feel things a little stronger than other people. Oversenstive. Touchy. That's me.
There was news today at Ye Olde that someone who just got here is leaving. She is real bright and energetic - a go getter. She went and go got herself another job that pays three times what she makes here. Which was probably twice what I make now.
This leaves me in a confused place. I feel like I am doing good work, but I know I am being undercompensated for it. I get so nervous at the thought of asking to be really be paid what I am worth, that I backslide into feelings of doubt and self deprecation. It's an ugly thing.
That's how I feel right now. I want to be appreciated. I want to be paid what I am worth. Everytime someone leaves I think "That should be me... I should have the guts to make a move...make more money... be thought of as a worthy contributor to the world at large". Then I get scared. I am afraid of my boss. I am afraid of his wrath. I am afraid of his temper and his scathing commentary. So, I dont ask. I just it and feel bad about myself.
At least I am not crying. I am writing on my blog...getting the feelings out and setting them free. I know it isnt time yet for a big move. The right opportunity will manifest when it is time.
So for right now... I watch the other birds fly....
I absorb the feelings of the people around me. I tend to feel things a little stronger than other people. Oversenstive. Touchy. That's me.
There was news today at Ye Olde that someone who just got here is leaving. She is real bright and energetic - a go getter. She went and go got herself another job that pays three times what she makes here. Which was probably twice what I make now.
This leaves me in a confused place. I feel like I am doing good work, but I know I am being undercompensated for it. I get so nervous at the thought of asking to be really be paid what I am worth, that I backslide into feelings of doubt and self deprecation. It's an ugly thing.
That's how I feel right now. I want to be appreciated. I want to be paid what I am worth. Everytime someone leaves I think "That should be me... I should have the guts to make a move...make more money... be thought of as a worthy contributor to the world at large". Then I get scared. I am afraid of my boss. I am afraid of his wrath. I am afraid of his temper and his scathing commentary. So, I dont ask. I just it and feel bad about myself.
At least I am not crying. I am writing on my blog...getting the feelings out and setting them free. I know it isnt time yet for a big move. The right opportunity will manifest when it is time.
So for right now... I watch the other birds fly....
Sunday, October 29, 2006
The long and winding road...
I am sitting on my couch in the D to the C. The pundints are blah blahing on the TV. These are the days I am glad that I have "taxation without representation" so I dont have to vote for these jokers.
It has been a long week. Last weekend, I was happily traveling back and forth to Baltimore rehearsing a reading of an original play at Centerstage. The play was about a way station between life and death - a nightclub called club termina. A play with music, I was still using my voice. I was working with equity actresses and holding my own. Pretty exciting, right?
On saturday night, I came home tired and nauseous. I was having some breathing issues and still struggling with a cold. I went to bed and hoped for the best.
Sunday morning I woke up with an asthma attack of sorts and pain in my left underarm. I thought I had slept wrong or something. I hopped in my car and as I headed up 295N the pressure in my chest seemed to be getting worse. I kept coughing and couldnt really catch my breath. I got to Centerstage and calmed down a bit. My voice was hoarse and I could feel the rattle in my chest. There happened to be a doctor in the reading, he came up to me and asked me if I was okay. I told him what my symptoms were and I knew he watched me the whole rehearsal. At the end, I was mad tired and wanted to go home. The doctor made me take his cell phone number and call him if I thought I needed to go to the hospital. Eek.
I went home and went to bed. I got up and had some dinner, I was tired... but I didnt feel as bad as I did while I was singing. I went back to bed about 11pm. As I laid down, I felt a lot of pressure on my chest. I turned to the side - really bad. I turned to the other side - really bad. I figured if I stayed flat I would be alright. I fell alseep. Two hours later I sat up and was really unsure of what to do. I called my nurse hotline... the nurse said - hang up and call 911. WHAAAA???????
So I got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face put on some clothes and left the house. I drove over to GWU Hopsital and went to the emergency room. They triaged me and took me in pretty quickly. I wasnt sure what was going on. I was praying it wasnt a heart attack. Hours went by...EKGS...hooked up to a monitor, oxygen...it was nightmarish really. Mostly it made me think about my Dad. How scary this must have been for him.
Around 5am, they made the decision to admit me. That was when it became real for me. I was beinfg admitted to the hospital - the hospital! I started text messaging my sister so that someone knew where I was. Funny things started going through my head... I need someone to move my car so I dont get a ticket. I am being admitted for possible heart problems and I am worried about a parking ticket! I was worried about the reading. I had committed to this and now, like several things in the past few months...I came up short. I was failing.
Anyway, this story is really long, sorry... the short ending is that after I was admitted I was tested tested and re tested. My heart was not damaged. I did not have a heart attack. Thank God! What I was stricken with was a combination of things...Asthma, Bronchial cold, Extreme Fatigue and Reflux. Basically, I was a mess and I needed to slow down.
So, I have spent the past week resting. I have allowed my body to dictate when I slept and ate and all that good stuff. My job has been terrific about this! My boss told me not to come back till I felt 100%. I feel very blessed and grateful that I have that kind of support. I will work hard to make sure that the support is warrented.
I am ready to go to work and ready to take better care of myself. Wish me luck
I am sitting on my couch in the D to the C. The pundints are blah blahing on the TV. These are the days I am glad that I have "taxation without representation" so I dont have to vote for these jokers.
It has been a long week. Last weekend, I was happily traveling back and forth to Baltimore rehearsing a reading of an original play at Centerstage. The play was about a way station between life and death - a nightclub called club termina. A play with music, I was still using my voice. I was working with equity actresses and holding my own. Pretty exciting, right?
On saturday night, I came home tired and nauseous. I was having some breathing issues and still struggling with a cold. I went to bed and hoped for the best.
Sunday morning I woke up with an asthma attack of sorts and pain in my left underarm. I thought I had slept wrong or something. I hopped in my car and as I headed up 295N the pressure in my chest seemed to be getting worse. I kept coughing and couldnt really catch my breath. I got to Centerstage and calmed down a bit. My voice was hoarse and I could feel the rattle in my chest. There happened to be a doctor in the reading, he came up to me and asked me if I was okay. I told him what my symptoms were and I knew he watched me the whole rehearsal. At the end, I was mad tired and wanted to go home. The doctor made me take his cell phone number and call him if I thought I needed to go to the hospital. Eek.
I went home and went to bed. I got up and had some dinner, I was tired... but I didnt feel as bad as I did while I was singing. I went back to bed about 11pm. As I laid down, I felt a lot of pressure on my chest. I turned to the side - really bad. I turned to the other side - really bad. I figured if I stayed flat I would be alright. I fell alseep. Two hours later I sat up and was really unsure of what to do. I called my nurse hotline... the nurse said - hang up and call 911. WHAAAA???????
So I got up, brushed my teeth, washed my face put on some clothes and left the house. I drove over to GWU Hopsital and went to the emergency room. They triaged me and took me in pretty quickly. I wasnt sure what was going on. I was praying it wasnt a heart attack. Hours went by...EKGS...hooked up to a monitor, oxygen...it was nightmarish really. Mostly it made me think about my Dad. How scary this must have been for him.
Around 5am, they made the decision to admit me. That was when it became real for me. I was beinfg admitted to the hospital - the hospital! I started text messaging my sister so that someone knew where I was. Funny things started going through my head... I need someone to move my car so I dont get a ticket. I am being admitted for possible heart problems and I am worried about a parking ticket! I was worried about the reading. I had committed to this and now, like several things in the past few months...I came up short. I was failing.
Anyway, this story is really long, sorry... the short ending is that after I was admitted I was tested tested and re tested. My heart was not damaged. I did not have a heart attack. Thank God! What I was stricken with was a combination of things...Asthma, Bronchial cold, Extreme Fatigue and Reflux. Basically, I was a mess and I needed to slow down.
So, I have spent the past week resting. I have allowed my body to dictate when I slept and ate and all that good stuff. My job has been terrific about this! My boss told me not to come back till I felt 100%. I feel very blessed and grateful that I have that kind of support. I will work hard to make sure that the support is warrented.
I am ready to go to work and ready to take better care of myself. Wish me luck
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Don't faint.
Here's another blog entry. I just wrapped up a greuling couple of days and I just wanted to talk about how grateful I am for my life right now.
I finished the run of Beehive. Yay rah! We had a lovely dinner and I went right back to "The Susan" (TS) to put on my costumer hat.
I had miles to go on the men's costumes for the next show. Changeover at the TS is a real drag. As soon as the last guest leaves the theatre the crew strikes the set. Showbegone. They begin three days of all nighters - the set and the lights go up at the same time. Backstage the SM cleans the dressing room, gathers props and gets out of the way of the costumer who ( if all is right with the world) is loading in the costumes for the next show.
I spent most of Sunday night backstage with George the SM... hemming and cutting and trying to make lists of what I needed to buy. I was there until 3am! Oy - happy Monday, right?
Monday, daytime was spent at ye olde... and then I had to head to Baltimore to rehearse for a reading I have been asked to particpate in. It was very cool, actually - I am going to be on stage with people who have MFA's in acting - Equity performers and I think I hold my own up there. Everyone involved seemed pleased at what I could do. I dont know why it suprises me, but it always does. Perhaps I should work on feeling more confident in my abilities...
Tuesday, another day at ye olde and then down to TS for the dress rehearsal. I was proud to see how well I had done. The men looked pretty good. There were hems and a few things missing. The rehearsal ran pretty late and it was just before 3am again before I got to bed. I had at least five hours of work to do and shopping that couldnt get done before the show unless I took the day to do it.
That is why I opted for a personal day on Wednesday and slept in :). I the afternoon I rushed around like a nut case grabbing things off the shelves. LOL. I got to the theatre 15 minutes before call, sewing, sorting and trying to be a help to the cast on thier opening night. They looked great! Several cast members thanked me and told me that I was a lifesaver and that I rocked. Of course, that made me so happy. I love it when I feel like people see how hard I work.
The show went up moderately on time and it's very cute. Two intermissions though! I left at the second intermission and was actually home and in bed before 12midnight. WHOOOPEE!
I am just so grateful that the show looks good and that job is done. I have to reconcile my receipts, get reimbursed and that's it :)
Now, I have to get through the reading and my life slows down a bit.
I dont expect that to last though... I already see some things coming down the pipeline that I'll be involved in. But praise God for the strength to keep going... for being healthy enough to work. It's a great day!
Here's another blog entry. I just wrapped up a greuling couple of days and I just wanted to talk about how grateful I am for my life right now.
I finished the run of Beehive. Yay rah! We had a lovely dinner and I went right back to "The Susan" (TS) to put on my costumer hat.
I had miles to go on the men's costumes for the next show. Changeover at the TS is a real drag. As soon as the last guest leaves the theatre the crew strikes the set. Showbegone. They begin three days of all nighters - the set and the lights go up at the same time. Backstage the SM cleans the dressing room, gathers props and gets out of the way of the costumer who ( if all is right with the world) is loading in the costumes for the next show.
I spent most of Sunday night backstage with George the SM... hemming and cutting and trying to make lists of what I needed to buy. I was there until 3am! Oy - happy Monday, right?
Monday, daytime was spent at ye olde... and then I had to head to Baltimore to rehearse for a reading I have been asked to particpate in. It was very cool, actually - I am going to be on stage with people who have MFA's in acting - Equity performers and I think I hold my own up there. Everyone involved seemed pleased at what I could do. I dont know why it suprises me, but it always does. Perhaps I should work on feeling more confident in my abilities...
Tuesday, another day at ye olde and then down to TS for the dress rehearsal. I was proud to see how well I had done. The men looked pretty good. There were hems and a few things missing. The rehearsal ran pretty late and it was just before 3am again before I got to bed. I had at least five hours of work to do and shopping that couldnt get done before the show unless I took the day to do it.
That is why I opted for a personal day on Wednesday and slept in :). I the afternoon I rushed around like a nut case grabbing things off the shelves. LOL. I got to the theatre 15 minutes before call, sewing, sorting and trying to be a help to the cast on thier opening night. They looked great! Several cast members thanked me and told me that I was a lifesaver and that I rocked. Of course, that made me so happy. I love it when I feel like people see how hard I work.
The show went up moderately on time and it's very cute. Two intermissions though! I left at the second intermission and was actually home and in bed before 12midnight. WHOOOPEE!
I am just so grateful that the show looks good and that job is done. I have to reconcile my receipts, get reimbursed and that's it :)
Now, I have to get through the reading and my life slows down a bit.
I dont expect that to last though... I already see some things coming down the pipeline that I'll be involved in. But praise God for the strength to keep going... for being healthy enough to work. It's a great day!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Where am I at right now?
hmmm... looks like I am getting to this about once a month...LOL
I guess that is better than none, right?
My show closed. I have been wearing a beehive wig and a mini skirt singing tunes from the 60's for about three months now.... but, like all shows, they must come to an end. This is the first one that I might actually miss. I enjoyed myself, both on and off stage. The girls were a lot of fun. we were all so different. Some very young and well, me... not so young. We were black, white, latina, christian, jew, agnostic - we were everyone... and we sang in fierce harmony ;)
When I get some pictures i'll post a couple.
So anyway, we had our closing dinner. I dont usually go to these things. I dont like endings. In the past year though, I have come to terms with endings. Frankly, I dont think anything on earth will ever be as hard as the " final " ending of a loved one. It makes closing a show seem simple. Something you can celebrate. That's what I am trying to do now - celebrate and be grateful.
So in this oh so public and yet anoymous forum i'd like to thank my lady friends from " Beehive". To Dena, Jade, Julie, Erica and Morgan and our lovely understudies Kathleen, Rikki, Alana, Ashleigh, Hillary and Temple. You all rock pretty darned hard. "Beehive you're my babies..."
hmmm... looks like I am getting to this about once a month...LOL
I guess that is better than none, right?
My show closed. I have been wearing a beehive wig and a mini skirt singing tunes from the 60's for about three months now.... but, like all shows, they must come to an end. This is the first one that I might actually miss. I enjoyed myself, both on and off stage. The girls were a lot of fun. we were all so different. Some very young and well, me... not so young. We were black, white, latina, christian, jew, agnostic - we were everyone... and we sang in fierce harmony ;)
When I get some pictures i'll post a couple.
So anyway, we had our closing dinner. I dont usually go to these things. I dont like endings. In the past year though, I have come to terms with endings. Frankly, I dont think anything on earth will ever be as hard as the " final " ending of a loved one. It makes closing a show seem simple. Something you can celebrate. That's what I am trying to do now - celebrate and be grateful.
So in this oh so public and yet anoymous forum i'd like to thank my lady friends from " Beehive". To Dena, Jade, Julie, Erica and Morgan and our lovely understudies Kathleen, Rikki, Alana, Ashleigh, Hillary and Temple. You all rock pretty darned hard. "Beehive you're my babies..."
Friday, September 29, 2006
Remember how I said I was bad at blogging...
well know you know how bad. I think I really need to use this as an exercise in discipline. I feel like over the years I have cultivated a lifestyle of just getting by. I have done just enough not to get in trouble and never enough to feel really good about the things I do.
Let me explain, as a youngster I would do the minimum work required to pass and then not really care about the rest. While other students were building volcanoes and robots for thier science projects, I was...well I dont even know what I was doing. I dont recall a single project I ever did. That should tell you how much it never impacted me. It never meant anything to me.
Even the things that meant " the world" to me never got the full attention they deserved. I would want to do well and then ... I'm not sure what happened. The enemy? I am sure I was a willing vessel for him since I was really unwilling to challenge myself.
Now I am an adult and I suffer from this weird malaise. I get involved in a bunch of things and half of them get shafted because I become exhausted and overextended. My desire to be everywhere, conflicts with my humanity. I end up feeling frustrated and guilty. More miserable, I think, than if I had just said "no, thanks" and stuck to one or two things.
I dont know, but maybe working it out here will help...or make it worse. LOL ... soooo, either see you tomorrow or see you next month along the broken road...
well know you know how bad. I think I really need to use this as an exercise in discipline. I feel like over the years I have cultivated a lifestyle of just getting by. I have done just enough not to get in trouble and never enough to feel really good about the things I do.
Let me explain, as a youngster I would do the minimum work required to pass and then not really care about the rest. While other students were building volcanoes and robots for thier science projects, I was...well I dont even know what I was doing. I dont recall a single project I ever did. That should tell you how much it never impacted me. It never meant anything to me.
Even the things that meant " the world" to me never got the full attention they deserved. I would want to do well and then ... I'm not sure what happened. The enemy? I am sure I was a willing vessel for him since I was really unwilling to challenge myself.
Now I am an adult and I suffer from this weird malaise. I get involved in a bunch of things and half of them get shafted because I become exhausted and overextended. My desire to be everywhere, conflicts with my humanity. I end up feeling frustrated and guilty. More miserable, I think, than if I had just said "no, thanks" and stuck to one or two things.
I dont know, but maybe working it out here will help...or make it worse. LOL ... soooo, either see you tomorrow or see you next month along the broken road...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
God bless the broken road...
I guess it starts here. I have started blogs before and failed to follow through. I suppose I am not as transparent as I thought I was. I am trying though. Forgive me if this is tedious or the posts dont fly out into the blogosphere all fast and furious. It, like my life, is a work in progress.
I am working on the most tedious project at work and needed to stop for fear of getting up off my yoga ball, standing up in the middle of my "pod" ( cubicle) and screaming !
So, I blog. :)
But now I am stuck for words. So, im going to stop.
I guess it starts here. I have started blogs before and failed to follow through. I suppose I am not as transparent as I thought I was. I am trying though. Forgive me if this is tedious or the posts dont fly out into the blogosphere all fast and furious. It, like my life, is a work in progress.
I am working on the most tedious project at work and needed to stop for fear of getting up off my yoga ball, standing up in the middle of my "pod" ( cubicle) and screaming !
So, I blog. :)
But now I am stuck for words. So, im going to stop.
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